Same-Sex Marriage Legislation Affects our Kids.

“It doesn’t bother me to tell kids my parents are gay. It does bother me to say my parents aren’t married.” These statements were made by ten year old Kasey Nicholson-McFadden at a hearing in the State House of Trenton, NJ. Tons of supporters and protestors came out on a cold December day last year when Karen and Marcye Nicholson-McFadden appeared before the New Jersey State Senate pleading for legislators to vote for same sex marriage. They are both the parents of Kasey and have been a family all his life. A month later on January 7, 2010, the New Jersey State Senate voted against same sex marriages, leaving Kasey, Marcye, and Karen devastated.

In 2008 about 116,000 same-sex couples all over the United States were raising a total of about 250,000 children under age 18, according to a study of Census data by Gary J. Gates, a demographer of the gay and lesbian population at the Williams Institute at the University of California, Los Angeles, law school (New York Times, 2010). In a country that makes many poor choices in legislation, our children are an area where law makers usually get things right. However, it is hard to believe that legislators on the State or Federal level are considering the wishes of children when continuously voting against same sex marriages. Kasey verbalized that when he could not say his parents were married, it made him feel like his family was less than his friends whose mom and dad are “married.” Legislators need to think of the implications voting against same-sex marriages have on the children who are being raised by same sex couples.

Kasey’s comments stir up a sense of pride because there is a very deep and bold message in his words. When he described not minding to tell his peers that his parents are gay meant that he has a level of comfort with his peer’s perception of his parents. One cannot assume that kids don’t make fun of Kasey for having a “different” family compared to the majority but logic would tell us that there are probably a good number of his peers who see same sex partnerships just as “normal” as traditional man/woman partnerships. If this is true, then our country’s citizens (some being children) have come a long way with open-mindedness and tolerance. Kids in our country can see that love is love, and parents are parents, but so many legislators fail to see this connection.

Is it right that a person can spend their whole life loving their partner, caring for their partner, and building a life with their partner not to have the legal benefits of marriage? Marcye and Karen file separate taxes, have non-marital life insurance, and cannot have a family health insurance plan which amasses to having to spend more money than traditional married couples would on similar things. All of these inconveniences trickle down to Kasey whose life is affected by these regulations. Any family that can save approximately $500 per month can positively impact their kid’s life in some way. Zach Wahls, a freshman at the University of Iowa whose mothers married this last summer in Iowa, one of the few states where same-sex marriage is legal, said, “At the end of the day, it’s really about separate but equal. This isn’t just about lesbian and gay; it’s about tolerance and acceptance.” Zach is right.

Who knows when or if same sex-marriages will be legal in every state but it is high time legislators consider the wishes of 250,000 children who desire to see their family as legitimate. If same-sex legislation is passed in all states then perhaps more children would become adopted by same sex partners, which is one step closer to eliminating children without families. If children can get put first on same-sex legislation, it might help open the mind of legislators and help millions of people legally legitimize their commitment to each other.

This blog was written based a story in the NY Times titled, “Children Speak on Same Sex Marriage.” To check out this article go to:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/21/fashion/21kids.html?scp=10&sq=Children&st=cse